Love will find you

omg, I have not been posting anything here for a long time now..... No motivation? No courage to see my deepest thoughts in words staring back at me? That's probably it....

You know, when you think things are going pretty ok for quite a while, and then "bang!!" something happens, or you stumble across something, it hits you like a block on your head and makes you feel like shit again, the feeling you tried all this while to get rid off....
and then you ask yourself, 'Was I really doing well at all?'. This exact thing happened to me yesterday.... three times... damn it!

I was browsing some group discussions on Flickr and stumbled across a new post titled:
"Marriage to you means..." So, yeah, I thought: "Indeed, what does marriage mean to me, really?"

But before I get to that, these are some of the replies posted by other members:
"A life with or without someone mentally "
" a friend in faith for life "
" my best friend, lover, confidente...for life..."

I really wanted to reply..... but somehow, I couldn't find the right words for my train of thought.... so many memories came flooding back, so many thoughts came into my mind, so much emotions began to cloud my mind..... so much that I was lost for words right there and then.....

Okay, this was some food for thought for a while but I could still handle this.... then, the second rude awakening happened when I stumbled across, at least, my guess is that it was his first attempt at blogging.... I was totally stunned...... ultimate shock to the fullest.... and then all sorts of feelings just jumbled up all together and I felt this big knot just wrenching in my stomach.... ouch! it hurt like hell.....

Then, the third and final hit.... came across a blog written by this girl about her marriage..... .... ah???!!??
ouch, the knot just got even tighter!!....

omg, what's happening? why the torture when I don't need it right now? why does this keep coming back my way? why can't it just leave me? Damn it, I really don't need this right now.... the only thing I need is peace within... to forget....

"Love will find you", that's what they told me when I was hurting.... oh yeah? really? and then what? When you thought you've finally found the one person you want to live the rest of your life with, and then one day you wake up and find it is lost.... you ask yourself, "Was it really true love at all?"

I never believed in marriage... until one day, someone came into my life.... and I gathered up all my courage to set my disbeliefs aside... I followed my heart....and until we were able to overcome the geographical distance, we were 'married' within our hearts... but it was not meant to be.... ours never happened.... it was only a dream, just wishful thinking....

so for now, I have locked my heart and kept the key in a safe place....

And today, I finally wrote my reply to the group's discussion, "Marriage to you means..."

a unity of two hearts, two souls, binded by truth, friendship, love and understanding, for always