The Asian way

After spending the afternoon at the Bazaar, we were at P's house yesterday evening, eating, drinking and talking.... about everything and nothing.... I can't remember how it began but J. was telling us about the situation at home. They have been living without electricity and gas since Wednesday and fact of the matter is how disfunctional his dad has become.

He was saying that for now, his duty is to take care of things. A heavy burden, as no one else is corporative and no one seems to be appreciative... he is intent on getting his own place as soon as possible so that he will be free to take care of his own life and other responsibilties.

At that point, P. said, "What is the use of doing all this for him while your dad doesn't even try to help himself at all?.. Why do you continue?"

" coz it's my duty... at least until I am out of that house. That is why I want to have my own house..."

"duty??? Why is it your duty?"

"it's the Asian way.... it's my duty to take care of my dad. but soon I'm going to stop that because I have done enough."

"Hello, it is the parents that have the duty to take care of the child, not the other way round. When you decide to make a child, you decide to take the responsibility of everything for this child. And how far does your duty as a child extend? Does it have to be that you give up your own happiness and life for your parents'? "

"I am doing this only for now because for one, it is what we asians have to do. And the other thing is that, when I am out of there and when I wash my hands off this matter, I can say that at least I have already done what I could. If I did nothing now, then I would have guilt and regret. So you see, now that I have done what an asian child is expected of, later when I stop taking care of him, I can safely feel that I do not have to feel guilty of anything."

J. does have a good point there.... to have peace of mind, we must try avoid doing things that we might regret later in our life. But P. also has a good point, to what extent is the duty of an asian child towards his/her parents? Is it our duty that we must give up our own personal dreams, hopes or whatever, for the sake of our parent's happiness? If we refuse to give up any of those things, does it mean we are ungrateful children?

I am fortunate that my parents do not impose any such kind of expectations on me. Their true happiness is to see that their child is capable to make it on her own. They respect my ability to make my own decisions in life and see me as an adult with her own personality and choice.

I love my parents and I wish I had the resources to be able to do more for them. I hope that there will be a day when I can give them at least something to make life a little easier for them. To me, this has entirely nothing to do with the 'asian way'.... it's simply a matter of choice.